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{\an1}LIVELY THEME MUSIC
SHE GASPS
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{\an1}HE MOANS
HORN BLARES
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POPPING SOUND
Argh!
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{\an1}BIRD CAWS
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Argh!
SHE SQUEALS
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{\an1}CHEERING / APPLAUSE
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AUDIENCE CHEERS
Hello!
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00:00:35,790 --> 00:00:40,430
Welcome! Welcome, everyone.
I'm Greg Davies. This is Taskmaster.
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00:00:40,470 --> 00:00:43,070
We reach the halfway point
at the end of today's show,
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00:00:43,110 --> 00:00:45,110
then the downhill race begins
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as five people hurtle towards
the ultimate career goal
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of becoming a Taskmaster champion.
They can't aim any higher than that,
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because the next rung on the ladder
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is the position
of Taskmaster himself,
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and for that they'll have to wait,
because my doctor tells me
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that if I continue with
my current lifestyle,
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I'm going to live for
up to four more years.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
The five adversaries tonight are...
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00:01:07,310 --> 00:01:09,590
Iain Stirling!
CHEERING / APPLAUSE
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Joe Thomas, Lou Sanders,
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Paul Sinha and Sian Gibson!
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{\an1}CHEERING / APPLAUSE
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And now for a man I hate.
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Oh! I'm sorry.
That is the wrong word.
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And now for a boy with wonky teeth,
that I hate.
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It's... IN SQUEAKY VOICE:
..little Alex Horne!
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CHEERING / APPLAUSE
Thank you.
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{\an1}CHEERING / APPLAUSE
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I've designed a game for you.
Have you? Yep.
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Do you wanna play it? Yep.
It's called What's In My Pocket.
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Right. What do you think's
in my pocket, Greg?
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That's the pocket.
From my knowledge of you
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over a period of eight years,
my guess is,
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the sort of thing you would have
in your pocket is another pocket.
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Yes. Yes, you got it.
LAUGHTER
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I genuinely didn't know! I gen-...
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Oh! Do you want another game of
What's In My Pocket?
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Yeah, sure.
What do you think's in THIS pocket?
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It would be too obvious
for it to be another pocket.
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LAUGHTER
No, it is another pocket.
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It's another...
LAUGHTER
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Do you want another go,
another game of What's In My Pocket?
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It'll be some play on "pocket".
Pocket watch?
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Well, pretty much.
It's a locket, little locket.
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Locket, yeah.
Wanna play What's In My Locket?
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Yeah. What do you think's
in the locket?
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Another little pocket.
Another little pocket, yeah.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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Right. Let's get today's prize task
happening, please. Certainly.
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And today the contestants
have brought in...the best face.
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OK. And today
we're going to start with...Lou.
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It's the face of the baby
that we would have.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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00:02:53,870 --> 00:02:56,550
Or... Or perhaps WILL have.
Yes, or perhaps will have,
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if I get five points.
Is that what it takes, Lou?
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LAUGHTER
You'd be prepared...
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to have a child with me
for five points.
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OK.
LAUGHTER
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OK.
It is he.
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No, it's off.
LAUGHTER
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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Well done, Lou. Um, who's next? Paul.
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00:03:18,870 --> 00:03:22,470
I was vanity-searching
"Paul Sinha" plus "fat",
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and found that there was somewhere
that sold these.
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How big is it, Paul?
It's absolutely massive.
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The face is two foot tall.
That was taken three years ago,
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when I was over 14 stone.
I'm now 11 and a half stone.
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So...
CHEERING / APPLAUSE
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This is especially for Greg,
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because in episode one,
his mum was in,
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and his mum said to my agent,
"Can you ask Paul for some tips
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on weight loss?
I think Greg needs it."
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{\an1}AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND EXCLAIMS
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Mum!
LAUGHTER
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00:04:03,030 --> 00:04:05,310
Lovely. Who's next? Sian.
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I've just got... It's that face.
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Ahhh!
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Now, this will split
the audience age-wise.
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Who has no idea what f-...
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AUDIENCE CHEERS
Iain! Joe!
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I don't know who that is. I mean...
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It's the Face.
It's Faceman from the A-Team.
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Real name Templeton Peck.
Buzz, five points.
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Yes. Do you know what his name is
in Taiwan?
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No. No.
Oh! Not THAT good, are you?
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LAUGHTER
T-... Tell him, Alex.
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Well, we both know, don't we?
It's xiao bai.
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It literally means a good-looking,
pampered and sleek man...
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like me. It's a great face.
SIAN: Thanks.
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Who's next? Er, Joe?
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This is the face of, um, an animal,
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er, called the blobfish.
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Here it is. There it is.
LAUGHTER
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That's what it looks like, and -
Like how your mum sees YOU, Greg.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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00:04:59,510 --> 00:05:01,750
You think?
Mum!
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00:05:01,790 --> 00:05:03,390
{\an1}LAUGHTER
98
00:05:03,430 --> 00:05:05,790
I like it cos I think it knows
that that's what it looks like.
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00:05:05,830 --> 00:05:07,510
{\an1}LAUGHTER
100
00:05:08,510 --> 00:05:10,870
They don't have any bones or teeth.
The main thing they do
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00:05:10,910 --> 00:05:13,430
is conserve energy.
Well, it is disgusting.
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And it is a... What is it? What face?
Well, it's BEST face. Best face?
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Interesting!
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Iain? I've brought
my onesie from home.
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Here it is.
LAUGHTER
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What I don't like the idea of is,
if you were naked underneath that
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and you unzipped it...
LAUGHTER
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00:05:33,590 --> 00:05:35,630
{\an1}LAUGHTER
109
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I'm not naked underneath it.
I've got other...things.
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Oh, yeah? What've you got?
No, I've got, like, er...
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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I've got, like, a T-shirt there.
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{\an1}CHEERING / APPLAUSE
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Fabulous.
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You can do, like,
whatever you want with it, mate.
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Got, like, er...
LAUGHTER / APPLAUSE
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All of... This is the whole package.
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Oh, well, that is...
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
120
00:06:09,470 --> 00:06:12,870
I mean, it is quite light material,
isn't it? You really are...
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Yeah. They're, um - You really are
bobbling around in there.
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00:06:15,790 --> 00:06:17,710
LAUGHTER
Are you going for the five?
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00:06:17,750 --> 00:06:21,150
Oh, well, that is incredible.
OK, one point to Joe, easy.
124
00:06:21,190 --> 00:06:23,710
OK. Two points, er...
125
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Oh, dear. Lou isn't gonna like this.
If it had been a better-looking baby,
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and I thought
there was a future for us,
127
00:06:29,310 --> 00:06:32,030
I would be giving you more points.
Two for Lou. Fortunately for Sian,
128
00:06:32,070 --> 00:06:35,190
I was a massive fan of the A-Team,
and so I'm giving her three points
129
00:06:35,230 --> 00:06:37,390
just for a picture of Face
from the A-Team.
130
00:06:37,430 --> 00:06:40,230
OK. So, it's now between your face
and Paul Sinha's face. Correct.
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In an act of, er,
absolutely disgusting ego...
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00:06:44,590 --> 00:06:46,270
{\an1}LAUGHTER
133
00:06:46,310 --> 00:06:49,110
I'm gonna put his big old face
in second place,
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so a great day for him.
Iain takes five points!
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{\an1}CHEERING / APPLAUSE
136
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Come on, then!
Get something happening!
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I will get something happening,
of course.
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This one involves that thing
you keep pouring in all my drinks -
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00:07:07,470 --> 00:07:09,830
sand!
LAUGHTER
140
00:07:25,430 --> 00:07:27,790
Hello, Paul.
How do you do, Alex?
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I'm OK. I'm gonna put this
through there. Is that all right?
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00:07:31,070 --> 00:07:33,750
My God, I'm only five foot!
Yes. Me, too.
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00:07:35,070 --> 00:07:37,390
Comfortable? Yes,
that's pretty comfortable. Yeah.
144
00:07:37,430 --> 00:07:40,630
OK. Thank you, Joe. Good luck.
145
00:07:41,910 --> 00:07:43,990
{\an1}LAUGHTER
146
00:07:46,710 --> 00:07:52,310
"Divert the sand
from bucket A into bucket B."
147
00:07:52,350 --> 00:07:56,830
"You may not touch the sand.
You may not move the buckets."
148
00:07:56,870 --> 00:07:58,910
You may not leave the room.
149
00:07:58,950 --> 00:08:02,670
"Most sand diverted
into bucket B wins."
150
00:08:02,710 --> 00:08:05,710
"Your time stops
when the sand stops."
151
00:08:06,710 --> 00:08:08,790
S-Sand stops?
152
00:08:11,590 --> 00:08:14,590
So, this goes through there.
Oh. Could you hold my tea, please?
153
00:08:14,630 --> 00:08:17,630
No. What do you mean?
I'm not, um, authorised to...
154
00:08:17,670 --> 00:08:19,670
Hang on about.
SHE LAUGHS
155
00:08:21,030 --> 00:08:24,910
SHE LAUGHS
Right. What's the game here?
156
00:08:24,950 --> 00:08:27,630
What is... What are...
I've got these.
157
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Right. What... Oh...
Where's the clue?
158
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
159
00:08:34,670 --> 00:08:37,030
{\an1}SHE LAUGHS
160
00:08:38,830 --> 00:08:41,830
Oh, no!
"You may not move the bucket."
161
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"You may not leave the room."
162
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I am lost.
163
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{\an1}APPLAUSE
164
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{\an1}ALL CHEER
165
00:08:50,870 --> 00:08:54,550
What was going on in my head?
APPLAUSE
166
00:08:56,430 --> 00:08:59,950
Can I just say, I think
this show is a bit heightist.
167
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Heightist?
Cos that's the second task so far...
168
00:09:04,630 --> 00:09:06,870
..where I've been at
a slight disadvantage.
169
00:09:06,910 --> 00:09:09,470
Funnily enough,
it didn't even occur to me.
170
00:09:09,510 --> 00:09:11,350
{\an1}ALL LAUGH
171
00:09:11,390 --> 00:09:14,270
Right. Let's see some stuff. OK.
Well, we're gonna start with Sian,
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and also Joe Thomas. Here we go.
173
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Oh, I see.
Thought there was sand in there.
174
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{\an1}SHE GRUNTS
175
00:09:26,670 --> 00:09:28,790
{\an1}LAUGHTER
176
00:09:32,110 --> 00:09:34,470
{\an1}LAUGHTER
177
00:09:34,510 --> 00:09:36,510
{\an1}HE SIGHS
178
00:09:36,550 --> 00:09:38,590
{\an1}LAUGHTER
179
00:09:38,630 --> 00:09:43,950
I am making a pig's ear out of this,
aren't I?
180
00:09:43,990 --> 00:09:46,830
There's got to be a way
that I can use a flip-flop.
181
00:09:49,070 --> 00:09:50,590
{\an1}LAUGHTER
182
00:09:50,630 --> 00:09:52,870
Is that...
183
00:09:52,910 --> 00:09:55,070
No, that don't work.
184
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Up you come.
185
00:09:56,990 --> 00:09:58,190
OK.
186
00:09:58,230 --> 00:10:00,470
Interesting system!
187
00:10:00,510 --> 00:10:03,070
Oh, my word!
How much sand is in there?
188
00:10:03,110 --> 00:10:05,510
There's a bucket full of sand.
There's a lot of sand
189
00:10:05,550 --> 00:10:07,590
in a bucket of sand, ain't there?
190
00:10:07,630 --> 00:10:10,910
Pop that in there.
That's one way, isn't it?
191
00:10:12,070 --> 00:10:14,190
I mean...
HE GRUNTS
192
00:10:14,230 --> 00:10:17,230
That's what...
Fuck, that's made it worse!
193
00:10:22,150 --> 00:10:24,550
There's a lot, isn't there?
I mean, is it...
194
00:10:24,590 --> 00:10:26,830
Is it that sort of thing?
195
00:10:26,870 --> 00:10:29,230
No, not really.
196
00:10:31,190 --> 00:10:33,190
This is a fucking disaster.
197
00:10:33,230 --> 00:10:35,550
WHISTLE BLOWS
ALEX: Sand has stopped.
198
00:10:36,910 --> 00:10:38,750
{\an1}WHISTLE BLOWS
199
00:10:38,790 --> 00:10:40,950
Happy with that.
Thank you, Sian.
200
00:10:40,990 --> 00:10:43,950
Thanks.
Bye bye. Bye!
201
00:10:45,870 --> 00:10:47,870
{\an1}APPLAUSE
202
00:10:52,230 --> 00:10:57,030
Sian, I think I've identified your
systematic approach to all tasks,
203
00:10:57,070 --> 00:11:00,910
and I've written it down as this.
"Panic, then make do,
204
00:11:00,950 --> 00:11:03,550
then panic."
LAUGHTER
205
00:11:03,590 --> 00:11:06,270
That sums it up.
Joe. Um... Yeah.
206
00:11:06,310 --> 00:11:08,310
I thought it was
a very precise start,
207
00:11:08,350 --> 00:11:11,870
checking the sand with a spoon
to see the volume of sand we've got.
208
00:11:11,910 --> 00:11:15,310
It's what you do first.
And then you just lost your mind!
209
00:11:15,350 --> 00:11:17,910
You opted - I've jotted this down -
210
00:11:17,950 --> 00:11:21,310
for mounting an egg cup
into a toilet roll.
211
00:11:21,350 --> 00:11:23,790
LAUGHTER
Yeah. And then saying,
212
00:11:23,830 --> 00:11:27,950
and I quote,
"Is it that sort of thing?"
213
00:11:27,990 --> 00:11:29,750
{\an1}LAUGHTER
214
00:11:29,790 --> 00:11:32,110
I think I did have one
on the bottom, as well.
215
00:11:32,150 --> 00:11:34,150
I couldn't work out why
I had one on each end.
216
00:11:34,190 --> 00:11:36,590
He double-cupped it.
Yeah, for no reason at all.
217
00:11:36,630 --> 00:11:40,910
But he did manage to convey
56 percent of the bucket's sand.
218
00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:43,430
Did he?!
Yeah. Sian, 54 percent.
219
00:11:43,470 --> 00:11:45,710
What? Oh, I'm very...
APPLAUSE
220
00:11:47,950 --> 00:11:50,550
Sorry to end things so abruptly,
but...
221
00:11:50,590 --> 00:11:52,270
{\an1}AUDIENCE CHEERS
222
00:12:00,230 --> 00:12:02,390
CHEERING / APPLAUSE
Hello!
223
00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:05,030
Welcome back to Taskmaster.
224
00:12:05,070 --> 00:12:08,070
In these uncertain times,
at least we can be sure...
225
00:12:08,110 --> 00:12:10,310
it's the start of part two,
isn't that right, Alex?
226
00:12:10,350 --> 00:12:13,190
I don't know, Greg. But what I do
know is that, before the break,
227
00:12:13,230 --> 00:12:16,710
the rivals were trying to get sand
from bucket A into bucket B.
228
00:12:16,750 --> 00:12:19,110
Next up - his name's Iain,
and he has a law degree.
229
00:12:19,150 --> 00:12:21,230
AUDIENCE: Ooh!
230
00:12:27,150 --> 00:12:29,150
Uh!
231
00:12:32,670 --> 00:12:35,230
Oh, you... Shit!
LAUGHTER
232
00:12:35,270 --> 00:12:38,350
Oh... I've touched the bucket! Oh!
233
00:12:42,670 --> 00:12:45,350
{\an1}APPLAUSE
234
00:12:45,390 --> 00:12:47,710
"You may not touch the sand.
You may not move the bucket."
235
00:12:47,750 --> 00:12:49,990
MOVE the bucket!
236
00:12:50,030 --> 00:12:52,350
I thought it said
"touch the bucket".
237
00:12:52,390 --> 00:12:54,710
I absolutely moved that bucket.
LAUGHTER
238
00:12:54,750 --> 00:12:56,790
I moved the bucket.
239
00:12:56,830 --> 00:12:59,190
Can I move the bucket back?
240
00:12:59,230 --> 00:13:01,230
I mean...
241
00:13:01,870 --> 00:13:05,710
That was there, weren't it?
This has gone terribly wrong.
242
00:13:05,750 --> 00:13:07,910
"You may not touch the sand."
Well, I've done that.
243
00:13:07,950 --> 00:13:09,950
"You may not move the bucket."
Done that.
244
00:13:09,990 --> 00:13:12,870
"You may not leave the room."
Fuck it, let's do that as well.
245
00:13:12,910 --> 00:13:17,910
What a waste of everyone's time,
you IDIOT!
246
00:13:17,950 --> 00:13:20,310
{\an1}HE SLAMS DOOR
247
00:13:20,350 --> 00:13:22,190
{\an1}APPLAUSE
248
00:13:23,350 --> 00:13:25,070
{\an1}LAUGHTER
249
00:13:25,110 --> 00:13:27,830
Aside from the fact
you're gonna get no points for this,
250
00:13:27,870 --> 00:13:30,110
I cannot fault that.
LAUGHTER
251
00:13:30,150 --> 00:13:32,430
I'm a triple threat.
252
00:13:32,470 --> 00:13:34,670
LAUGHTER
Who's next?
253
00:13:34,710 --> 00:13:38,390
Next is a loophole!
Sorry. A Lou, Paul.
254
00:13:38,430 --> 00:13:40,430
A Lou and Paul. We have...
255
00:13:41,430 --> 00:13:43,430
{\an1}GREG SIGHS
256
00:13:46,430 --> 00:13:49,430
Egg cups, is it?
Well, that's what they look like.
257
00:13:51,710 --> 00:13:53,910
I'm gonna make an idiot of myself.
258
00:13:57,950 --> 00:13:59,870
Hey!
259
00:13:59,910 --> 00:14:02,950
OK, OK, OK. The key is not to panic.
260
00:14:10,030 --> 00:14:12,390
So, you reckon this is
the best method?
261
00:14:12,430 --> 00:14:15,230
Can't think of anything better
at the moment. Mm.
262
00:14:16,510 --> 00:14:18,910
Ooooooh!
263
00:14:18,950 --> 00:14:21,550
Quite nice, that!
264
00:14:22,550 --> 00:14:25,670
And I think it's just to do it
in a calm way.
265
00:14:25,710 --> 00:14:29,030
You know, you don't need no drama.
No.
266
00:14:30,030 --> 00:14:32,510
{\an1}SHE INHALES / EXHALES DEEPLY
267
00:14:32,550 --> 00:14:34,070
{\an1}LAUGHTER
268
00:14:35,070 --> 00:14:37,270
{\an1}WHISTLE BLOWS
269
00:14:37,310 --> 00:14:39,870
Sand has now stopped, Lou.
Thank you. Yes!
270
00:14:39,910 --> 00:14:42,830
Looking at the things
that were offered...
271
00:14:43,830 --> 00:14:45,910
..I just think the colander
was the biggest volume.
272
00:14:45,950 --> 00:14:48,550
It's a shame
it's got all those holes in.
273
00:14:48,590 --> 00:14:50,750
{\an1}LAUGHTER
274
00:14:50,790 --> 00:14:52,950
{\an1}APPLAUSE
275
00:14:55,790 --> 00:14:57,830
Paul...
HE LAUGHS
276
00:14:59,230 --> 00:15:01,870
..I'm sort of intrigued, cos
you're such a logical, clever man.
277
00:15:01,910 --> 00:15:04,150
I'm not a clever man.
We've established that now.
278
00:15:04,190 --> 00:15:06,270
LAUGHTER
When you do the tasks,
279
00:15:06,310 --> 00:15:09,150
Alex says you don't know how
the others have done. Quite right.
280
00:15:09,190 --> 00:15:12,110
So I'm thinking, as long as
I get sand into the bucket,
281
00:15:12,150 --> 00:15:15,270
then, at least some fuckwit's
gonna disqualify himself.
282
00:15:15,310 --> 00:15:17,510
{\an1}LAUGHTER
283
00:15:17,550 --> 00:15:20,190
Er...guilty!
LAUGHTER
284
00:15:20,230 --> 00:15:22,230
And then at least
I can get two points.
285
00:15:22,270 --> 00:15:24,830
And he did get two points.
He got 23 percent of the sand, so...
286
00:15:24,870 --> 00:15:28,670
Paul did?! ..less than half of
the others we've seen so far, but -
287
00:15:28,710 --> 00:15:31,830
But I'm amazed it was that much.
Yeah!
288
00:15:31,870 --> 00:15:34,270
Did I win?
289
00:15:34,310 --> 00:15:37,190
{\an1}LAUGHTER / APPLAUSE
290
00:15:42,470 --> 00:15:45,270
Her method got 68 percent
of the sand... Yes!
291
00:15:45,310 --> 00:15:48,030
..so Lou...gets five points!
292
00:15:48,070 --> 00:15:50,350
And the other points...
293
00:15:51,870 --> 00:15:54,950
So it's five points to Lou,
four to Joe, three to Sian,
294
00:15:54,990 --> 00:15:57,910
two to Paul, incredibly,
zero to Iain.
295
00:15:57,950 --> 00:16:00,590
Er, with that score,
Lou is in first place.
296
00:16:00,630 --> 00:16:04,470
Iain and Joe are in last place,
joint, with five. Hey!
297
00:16:04,510 --> 00:16:07,750
There we go.
APPLAUSE
298
00:16:09,710 --> 00:16:13,950
Good! What now, baby? Oh,
I think you mean, "What OW, baby?"
299
00:16:22,230 --> 00:16:23,590
Oh! Ooh!
300
00:16:23,630 --> 00:16:25,270
Ooh! Ow!
301
00:16:25,310 --> 00:16:27,750
Oh! Oh, shit. Oh!
302
00:16:27,790 --> 00:16:30,030
You just caught me on the ear,
there, Paul. Oh, sorry.
303
00:16:30,070 --> 00:16:32,230
That just caught me on the, um...
Are you all right?
304
00:16:32,270 --> 00:16:34,590
Are you all right?
Yeah, no. It's fine. Welcome.
305
00:16:34,630 --> 00:16:38,550
I do apologise, Alex.
I don't trust a thing you say, Alex.
306
00:16:38,590 --> 00:16:41,830
I don't know what's going on now.
I'm getting nervous,
307
00:16:41,870 --> 00:16:44,750
and there's, like, blood on that.
308
00:16:45,750 --> 00:16:48,190
Oh, Christ.
HE LAUGHS
309
00:16:48,230 --> 00:16:51,110
HE CHUCKLES
You clever man!
310
00:16:51,150 --> 00:16:52,790
Oh!
311
00:16:52,830 --> 00:16:57,070
"Make the most realistic injury
using food."
312
00:16:57,110 --> 00:16:59,310
"You have five minutes
to choose your ingredients,
313
00:16:59,350 --> 00:17:02,350
and ten minutes to make
your realistic injury."
314
00:17:02,390 --> 00:17:05,550
"If two or more people use tomato
ketchup, they are disqualified."
315
00:17:05,590 --> 00:17:08,950
I won't go THAT basic.
It's a challenging double-bluff,
316
00:17:08,990 --> 00:17:11,990
isn't it?
LAUGHTER
317
00:17:12,030 --> 00:17:16,150
Your time starts now. I'm going to
take on this double-bluff.
318
00:17:16,190 --> 00:17:18,190
{\an1}LAUGHTER / APPLAUSE
319
00:17:24,910 --> 00:17:29,070
Who's first, please? Er, first
to cause edible damage is Lou!
320
00:17:29,110 --> 00:17:31,230
{\an1}CRICKETS CHIRR
321
00:17:31,270 --> 00:17:34,230
What happens when you go out
with a belt that doesn't fit
322
00:17:34,270 --> 00:17:37,430
and a hungry dog
wants to attack your leg?
323
00:17:37,470 --> 00:17:39,550
{\an1}BURST OF DRAMATIC MUSIC
324
00:17:39,590 --> 00:17:41,630
{\an1}DOG BARKING IN BACKGROUND
325
00:17:41,670 --> 00:17:44,030
{\an1}AUDIENCE GROANING / LAUGHING
326
00:17:45,030 --> 00:17:49,150
Belt up, kids, or end up like
this idiot with noodles on his leg.
327
00:17:53,710 --> 00:17:55,990
There you go! Aha!
APPLAUSE
328
00:18:00,790 --> 00:18:03,270
Genuinely quite horrific!
329
00:18:03,310 --> 00:18:06,350
I mean, slightly detracted from it
when you said, er,
330
00:18:06,390 --> 00:18:08,550
"end up like this idiot
with noodles on his leg".
331
00:18:08,590 --> 00:18:10,630
LAUGHTER
I thought they were maggots.
332
00:18:10,670 --> 00:18:13,270
Yeah. It looks like magg-...
Looks like he's been there for days.
333
00:18:13,310 --> 00:18:15,670
They will set in eventually.
Great start! OK.
334
00:18:15,710 --> 00:18:17,830
Who's next?
How about Joe Thomas,
335
00:18:17,870 --> 00:18:20,750
er, having a very unhappy birthday.
Mmm!
336
00:18:20,790 --> 00:18:23,510
{\an1}SOLEMN ORCHESTRAL MUSIC
337
00:18:23,550 --> 00:18:27,870
Stay vigilant. Like, even if
you done a lot of birthdays,
338
00:18:27,910 --> 00:18:29,910
don't get cocky. Don't get arrogant.
339
00:18:29,950 --> 00:18:32,270
This can happen all too quickly.
340
00:18:32,310 --> 00:18:36,430
This could happen before you even
know whether you're coming or going.
341
00:18:37,430 --> 00:18:40,110
LAUGHTER
Once you have a few birthdays,
342
00:18:40,150 --> 00:18:42,750
you get a bit arrogant.
343
00:18:43,750 --> 00:18:46,190
I was jogging in,
344
00:18:46,230 --> 00:18:49,030
showing off to some friends
I'd got round.
345
00:18:49,070 --> 00:18:50,670
{\an1}LAUGHTER
346
00:18:50,710 --> 00:18:53,030
I've... I've tripped,
347
00:18:53,070 --> 00:18:57,830
and the candles have gone into
my right eye.
348
00:18:57,870 --> 00:19:00,470
Eeeeaaaarrrgh!
349
00:19:00,510 --> 00:19:02,510
I've learned my lesson.
350
00:19:02,550 --> 00:19:05,510
{\an1}AUDIENCE GROANING / LAUGHING
351
00:19:08,470 --> 00:19:10,390
{\an1}APPLAUSE
352
00:19:10,430 --> 00:19:12,790
{\an1}AUDIENCE CHEERS
353
00:19:16,110 --> 00:19:19,830
Incredibly impressive production
values on that safety video.
354
00:19:19,870 --> 00:19:22,350
Yes.
The injury itself was fantastic.
355
00:19:22,390 --> 00:19:25,470
It was made out of a cake.
It was a nice tasty injury.
356
00:19:25,510 --> 00:19:28,630
Yeah! A sort of general message
about...stay humble...
357
00:19:28,670 --> 00:19:33,590
Yeah. ..which I think is...take home
whether you have birthdays or not.
358
00:19:33,630 --> 00:19:36,110
Yeah.
Which you... Well, which you would,
359
00:19:36,150 --> 00:19:40,750
but even if you... Even if you
literally never age, stay humble.
360
00:19:40,790 --> 00:19:43,870
LAUGHTER
Great! Lovely message, as well.
361
00:19:43,910 --> 00:19:48,590
"Stay humble." Who's next? We're
gonna see Paul's gruesome attempt.
362
00:19:54,270 --> 00:19:56,110
Hmm...
363
00:19:56,150 --> 00:19:58,310
{\an1}LAUGHTER
364
00:20:10,910 --> 00:20:13,270
{\an1}AUDIENCE GROANING
365
00:20:28,070 --> 00:20:30,310
{\an1}CHEERING / APPLAUSE
366
00:20:33,950 --> 00:20:36,830
I mean, Paul, it was a nice touch
with the crosswords.
367
00:20:36,870 --> 00:20:40,790
Um, and I loved the acting
in the lead-up to the injury,
368
00:20:40,830 --> 00:20:43,910
when he clearly had
a giant mouthful of ketchup.
369
00:20:43,950 --> 00:20:46,750
"Hmm!"
LAUGHTER
370
00:20:48,110 --> 00:20:52,150
"What is... What is the clue
for this crossword? Hmm!"
371
00:20:52,190 --> 00:20:54,510
Rubbish!
372
00:20:54,550 --> 00:20:58,390
Right. Looks like we've made it to
the end of part two, then.
373
00:20:58,430 --> 00:21:00,710
Well done, us.
CHEERING / APPLAUSE
374
00:21:10,510 --> 00:21:13,510
Welcome back!
It's the start part of three.
375
00:21:13,550 --> 00:21:17,550
Hmm. I think you mean the start -
YOU DON'T CORRECT ME!
376
00:21:17,590 --> 00:21:19,190
{\an1}LAUGHTER
377
00:21:22,230 --> 00:21:25,230
Right! I'd like Alex
to bring us up to speed,
378
00:21:25,270 --> 00:21:28,150
and smile and wink
after every word he says
379
00:21:28,190 --> 00:21:31,510
that's got an E in it.
LAUGHTER
380
00:21:31,550 --> 00:21:33,270
Great!
381
00:21:34,270 --> 00:21:37,190
Thanks, Greg. Er, before...
382
00:21:37,230 --> 00:21:39,710
the...break...
383
00:21:39,750 --> 00:21:42,830
um, it was injury going on -
384
00:21:42,870 --> 00:21:46,310
Joe Thomas' birthday, ow!
Paul Sinha coughing blood a lot,
385
00:21:46,350 --> 00:21:49,070
and Lou dog mouth thigh.
Now, Iain Stirling!
386
00:21:49,110 --> 00:21:51,110
{\an1}CHEERING / APPLAUSE
387
00:21:51,150 --> 00:21:53,550
Eeearrrgh!
388
00:21:55,950 --> 00:21:58,550
Why?!
389
00:21:58,590 --> 00:22:00,670
Why have you done this to me?!
390
00:22:00,710 --> 00:22:03,190
{\an1}AUDIENCE GROANING
391
00:22:03,230 --> 00:22:05,510
I can't feel my toes!
392
00:22:05,550 --> 00:22:07,430
Agh!
393
00:22:18,550 --> 00:22:21,630
{\an1}LAUGHTER
394
00:22:21,670 --> 00:22:23,910
{\an1}APPLAUSE
395
00:22:27,910 --> 00:22:30,190
HE LAUGHS
I mean, horrific!
396
00:22:30,230 --> 00:22:33,110
But I honestly think, if I was called
in to look at that injury,
397
00:22:33,150 --> 00:22:35,270
I would go, "Oh, my God!"
398
00:22:35,310 --> 00:22:37,670
"Are those baked beans?!"
399
00:22:37,710 --> 00:22:40,830
Cos he sawed my leg off
with a baked-bean tin.
400
00:22:40,870 --> 00:22:44,110
Ah! Oh! Oh, there IS some logic.
Mm!
401
00:22:44,150 --> 00:22:47,750
Oh, there's always logic! Sometimes
it's more hidden than others.
402
00:22:47,790 --> 00:22:50,190
LAUGHTER
Who's next, please?
403
00:22:50,230 --> 00:22:52,310
Finally, it's Sian Gibson's attempt,
404
00:22:52,350 --> 00:22:54,350
and she seemed
to genuinely enjoy this,
405
00:22:54,390 --> 00:22:56,550
as you'll tell by her lovely cackle.
Here we go.
406
00:22:57,550 --> 00:23:00,070
I'm chuffed with that!
407
00:23:00,110 --> 00:23:02,670
See ya. Bye.
408
00:23:03,670 --> 00:23:05,750
{\an1}SHE GIGGLES
409
00:23:07,470 --> 00:23:09,710
{\an1}DRAMATIC ORCHESTRAL MUSIC
410
00:23:32,870 --> 00:23:35,030
{\an1}CHEERING / APPLAUSE
411
00:23:38,270 --> 00:23:41,350
It's absolutely horrific, obviously.
Disgusting injury.
412
00:23:41,390 --> 00:23:44,190
Very convincing.
The only thing I was confused by
413
00:23:44,230 --> 00:23:47,270
was the narrative.
Alex was writing,
414
00:23:47,310 --> 00:23:51,550
fell on his pen
as he was eating a sandwich.
415
00:23:51,590 --> 00:23:54,190
There was a lot of blood,
and a duck came past...
416
00:23:54,230 --> 00:23:56,230
{\an1}LAUGHTER
417
00:23:57,390 --> 00:24:01,870
The duck was a scavenger after
Alex's clumsy writing accident.
418
00:24:01,910 --> 00:24:04,750
Yes. She made it using,
basically, breakfast -
419
00:24:04,790 --> 00:24:07,070
tomatoes, bread, brown sauce,
egg and sausages.
420
00:24:07,110 --> 00:24:10,430
Yeah. That's the ingredients.
It's very hard to be mean
421
00:24:10,470 --> 00:24:12,670
to anybody here... Oh, no, it isn't.
422
00:24:12,710 --> 00:24:17,510
I give Paul Sinha one point for
spitting ketchup onto a newspaper.
423
00:24:17,550 --> 00:24:20,430
I'm gonna give Sian five points,
424
00:24:20,470 --> 00:24:23,670
and the other three, I'm gonna tie
them on four points each.
425
00:24:23,710 --> 00:24:26,910
Five points to Sian! Well done!
CHEERING / APPLAUSE
426
00:24:29,390 --> 00:24:31,150
MORE!
427
00:24:31,190 --> 00:24:34,550
OK. Well, it's time to play Catch -
Team Catch! Ready?
428
00:24:34,590 --> 00:24:36,630
THEY LAUGH
Oh, no!
429
00:24:45,350 --> 00:24:46,950
{\an1}GLASS BREAKS
430
00:24:46,990 --> 00:24:48,950
{\an1}LAUGHTER
431
00:24:50,670 --> 00:24:53,150
Oh, hello.
Hiya. You all right?
432
00:24:53,190 --> 00:24:55,870
Hello, Iain.
Hey, Alex.
433
00:24:55,910 --> 00:24:57,910
Hello, Paul.
Hi, Alex.
434
00:24:57,950 --> 00:24:59,830
Lou!
Hi. Hello.
435
00:24:59,870 --> 00:25:02,070
I think he was most excited
to see ME.
436
00:25:03,510 --> 00:25:06,470
There you go.
Thank you.
437
00:25:06,510 --> 00:25:08,830
Shall I read it?
Yeah.
438
00:25:08,870 --> 00:25:12,030
"Have a long-distance game of catch
with this beach ball."
439
00:25:12,070 --> 00:25:14,710
"One team member must be filmed
in one location,
440
00:25:14,750 --> 00:25:17,270
throwing the ball out of shot."
"Another team member
441
00:25:17,310 --> 00:25:19,870
must then be filmed in another
location, catching the ball
442
00:25:19,910 --> 00:25:22,790
and throwing the ball out of shot."
"Another team member
443
00:25:22,830 --> 00:25:25,430
must then be filmed in
another location,
444
00:25:25,470 --> 00:25:29,630
catching the ball correctly
and throwing the ball out of shot."
445
00:25:29,670 --> 00:25:33,110
"Greatest distance apparently
covered by the beach ball wins."
446
00:25:33,150 --> 00:25:36,150
"You have two months."
SHE LAUGHS
447
00:25:36,190 --> 00:25:39,750
Wow! Two months?
"Your time starts now."
448
00:25:45,990 --> 00:25:48,150
Do you wanna do it at home
with a pump?
449
00:25:48,190 --> 00:25:50,190
{\an1}LAUGHTER
450
00:25:50,230 --> 00:25:52,710
{\an1}APPLAUSE
451
00:25:52,750 --> 00:25:55,510
Oh, no, Joe!
452
00:25:55,550 --> 00:25:57,350
{\an1}APPLAUSE
453
00:25:57,390 --> 00:26:01,390
All right. Let's start with the team
of three - Iain, Lou and Paul.
454
00:26:03,590 --> 00:26:05,670
Everyone!
ALL CHEER AND SHOUT
455
00:26:06,670 --> 00:26:09,630
'Pass it around! Pass it around!
Pass it back to me!
456
00:26:09,670 --> 00:26:12,230
'Pass it around! Jesus Christ!
457
00:26:12,270 --> 00:26:14,950
{\an4}THEY SHOUT AND LAUGH
458
00:26:15,950 --> 00:26:17,870
'Thank you very much.
459
00:26:19,950 --> 00:26:21,990
'Thank you very much.
460
00:26:31,790 --> 00:26:34,110
{\an1}LAUGHTER / CHEERING
461
00:26:34,150 --> 00:26:37,030
Oh, God! Thank you!
462
00:26:38,030 --> 00:26:40,230
{\an1}LAUGHTER
463
00:26:41,430 --> 00:26:43,350
{\an1}APPLAUSE
464
00:26:46,870 --> 00:26:49,270
Not bad! Tell me how many different
places there were.
465
00:26:49,310 --> 00:26:51,310
The chain came to an end there,
466
00:26:51,350 --> 00:26:53,790
because the ball didn't go out of
shot, and we ran out of people
467
00:26:53,830 --> 00:26:56,590
to throw between the two. It had to
go to a different person every time.
468
00:26:56,630 --> 00:26:59,070
But - There was no way
anyone could catch that,
469
00:26:59,110 --> 00:27:02,590
cos it didn't leave the frame.
But there's another one of me,
470
00:27:02,630 --> 00:27:06,670
in Edinburgh, with a kilt on!
It didn't leave the frame.
471
00:27:06,710 --> 00:27:09,870
But I would say,
they've covered quite a distance.
472
00:27:09,910 --> 00:27:13,990
Yeah?
In total, 10,557 miles.
473
00:27:14,030 --> 00:27:18,110
Oh, right! OK. Now we're gonna see
Joe and Sian's video.
474
00:27:19,110 --> 00:27:20,430
One!
475
00:27:26,270 --> 00:27:28,070
Six!
476
00:27:29,150 --> 00:27:31,910
Well done. You caught it.
Where are we?
477
00:27:31,950 --> 00:27:35,150
'Oh, it's so great to be here with
you in Johannesburg, Sian.
478
00:27:35,190 --> 00:27:37,470
'LAUGHTER
Or Birmingham.
479
00:27:39,950 --> 00:27:42,110
Eight!
480
00:27:42,150 --> 00:27:44,470
Nine!
481
00:27:47,350 --> 00:27:49,310
Ten!
482
00:27:50,310 --> 00:27:53,590
'Oh, well done for catching that
here in Malaysia.
483
00:27:54,750 --> 00:27:56,390
Hey!
484
00:27:58,390 --> 00:28:00,390
{\an1}THEY LAUGH
485
00:28:01,390 --> 00:28:03,270
Four.
486
00:28:04,630 --> 00:28:07,030
Here we are...in New Zealand.
487
00:28:07,070 --> 00:28:09,110
'LAUGHTER
Throw it, Sian.
488
00:28:10,110 --> 00:28:12,190
'Live from New Zealand.
Great!
489
00:28:18,350 --> 00:28:19,870
12.
490
00:28:19,910 --> 00:28:21,590
{\an1}APPLAUSE
491
00:28:25,070 --> 00:28:27,670
{\an1}Maybe I'm being suspicious, but...
LAUGHTER
492
00:28:27,710 --> 00:28:30,390
..seems like you were just standing
with Romesh Ranganathan.
493
00:28:30,430 --> 00:28:33,070
LAUGHTER
He does a lot of travel shows,
494
00:28:33,110 --> 00:28:35,470
and I just popped along.
I mean, he does.
495
00:28:36,710 --> 00:28:39,230
Yeah. I mean, Wales, New York,
Johannesburg, Tokyo, Wales,
496
00:28:39,270 --> 00:28:41,350
Rome, Malaysia, Spain,
New Zealand, London.
497
00:28:41,390 --> 00:28:43,390
That's quite, er, the mileage.
498
00:28:43,430 --> 00:28:45,310
Is it?
LAUGHTER
499
00:28:45,350 --> 00:28:47,990
If we dare to imagine
500
00:28:48,030 --> 00:28:51,990
that...Sian and Romesh
may have been deceiving us,
501
00:28:52,030 --> 00:28:54,150
have you worked out -
It would be Wales to London,
502
00:28:54,190 --> 00:28:57,630
'to London to Wales, to London
to London to London to London
to London - 466 miles.
503
00:28:57,670 --> 00:28:59,670
Right!
LAUGHTER
504
00:28:59,710 --> 00:29:02,870
I mean, I would say
we'd got more footage from Paul,
505
00:29:02,910 --> 00:29:06,190
and he travelled more than twice
the distance that you did,
506
00:29:06,230 --> 00:29:09,030
just by himself. Do you wanna see -
Did he? Yes!
507
00:29:09,070 --> 00:29:11,590
This is Paul playing catch
with himself around the country.
508
00:29:11,630 --> 00:29:13,630
{\an1}LAUGHTER
509
00:29:17,110 --> 00:29:19,030
On it goes!
510
00:29:19,070 --> 00:29:21,470
{\an1}LIVELY BACKGROUND MUSIC
511
00:29:30,310 --> 00:29:32,710
Thank you very much! On it goes.
512
00:29:35,550 --> 00:29:38,150
APPLAUSE
That was so funny!
513
00:29:39,390 --> 00:29:42,070
1,142 miles.
514
00:29:42,110 --> 00:29:44,630
On his own? On his own.
LAUGHTER
515
00:29:44,670 --> 00:29:48,750
I'll give Joe and Sian two points,
and the trio three points. OK.
516
00:29:48,790 --> 00:29:51,630
But, and no-one's gonna argue with me
over this,
517
00:29:51,670 --> 00:29:55,790
Paul Sinha gets a bonus point.
So, four points to Paul Sinha!
518
00:29:55,830 --> 00:29:58,550
{\an1}CHEERING / APPLAUSE
519
00:29:59,550 --> 00:30:03,030
What's next, Alex?
Er, OK. Here is a Taskmaster twist
520
00:30:03,070 --> 00:30:06,110
on One Man And His Dog - at last.
521
00:30:20,070 --> 00:30:23,190
Hello, Paul.
Hello, Alex.
522
00:30:23,230 --> 00:30:25,430
Hello, Sian. Hiya!
LAUGHTER
523
00:30:26,030 --> 00:30:29,270
OK. How are you?
Very well, actually, yeah.
524
00:30:29,310 --> 00:30:32,030
Everything all right with you at
home, et cetera? What do you mean?
525
00:30:33,230 --> 00:30:36,550
LAUGHTER
"Herd the most ping-pong balls
526
00:30:36,590 --> 00:30:38,790
into the ping-pong pen."
527
00:30:41,110 --> 00:30:43,390
It's about 36 metres away.
528
00:30:43,430 --> 00:30:44,830
Wow!
529
00:30:44,870 --> 00:30:47,710
'"You may only touch the ping-pong
balls with the basketball"...
530
00:30:47,750 --> 00:30:51,590
That's that. .."the string"...
That's underneath.
531
00:30:51,630 --> 00:30:54,350
.."or one little finger."
532
00:30:54,390 --> 00:30:57,310
Sometimes you think your little
finger's stronger than it is.
533
00:30:57,350 --> 00:31:01,590
You may not move the ping-pong pens.
534
00:31:01,630 --> 00:31:03,870
So, I've got to get that over there?
ALEX: All the balls,
535
00:31:03,910 --> 00:31:05,910
or as many as possible.
536
00:31:05,950 --> 00:31:08,110
OK.
"You have ten minutes."
537
00:31:08,150 --> 00:31:10,510
"Your time starts now."
538
00:31:10,550 --> 00:31:13,110
{\an1}CHEERING / APPLAUSE
539
00:31:17,950 --> 00:31:21,110
Shall we talk about
what constitutes a herd?
540
00:31:21,150 --> 00:31:23,590
The verb "to herd" means
"to move in a group",
541
00:31:23,630 --> 00:31:25,990
so we're hoping they would take
all hundred over in one go,
542
00:31:26,030 --> 00:31:29,030
just shepherd them into
the other pen. Herd them in.
543
00:31:29,070 --> 00:31:32,390
And we're gonna start with Joe
and Lou, herding ping-pong balls.
544
00:31:32,430 --> 00:31:35,390
So, one way would be...
545
00:31:35,430 --> 00:31:38,670
would be that sort of thing.
There's one. Good start.
546
00:31:38,710 --> 00:31:42,830
You might even be tempted
to put one like that.
547
00:31:42,870 --> 00:31:45,950
Just take those two down, initially.
I'm just gonna take these
548
00:31:45,990 --> 00:31:48,430
while I'm thinking about it.
OK.
549
00:31:49,790 --> 00:31:52,230
That'll be four.
Mm. Seven minutes left, Joe.
550
00:31:52,270 --> 00:31:54,430
Oh, God! OK.
551
00:31:54,470 --> 00:31:57,230
Well, that's two in.
Two minutes gone.
552
00:31:57,270 --> 00:31:59,950
This is hopeless.
Do you have any scissors?
553
00:31:59,990 --> 00:32:02,030
I can offer you scissors.
554
00:32:02,070 --> 00:32:04,350
Hello, Joe.
Can I have scissors? Yes.
555
00:32:04,390 --> 00:32:06,990
Can I cut the ball open? Ooh, yeah!
556
00:32:07,030 --> 00:32:09,430
Ooh, yeah! Ah, yeah!
557
00:32:09,470 --> 00:32:12,070
I need to cut it open
before it goes down, cos...
558
00:32:12,110 --> 00:32:15,110
Why do you need to cut it open
before it goes down? Oh, I dunno.
559
00:32:15,150 --> 00:32:17,790
{\an1}LAUGHTER
560
00:32:17,830 --> 00:32:20,030
Can you cut this last...
No, I'm a feminist.
561
00:32:21,190 --> 00:32:23,430
Am I a feminist?
LAUGHTER
562
00:32:23,470 --> 00:32:26,630
In there!
Here we go, baby!
563
00:32:26,670 --> 00:32:30,350
Here we go, baby! It's quite cute,
how they all crowd at the edge.
564
00:32:30,390 --> 00:32:34,270
How long is this? One minute 40.
OK. Let's get some of them...
565
00:32:37,590 --> 00:32:40,230
No! No! NO!
566
00:32:40,270 --> 00:32:42,390
Just...
Ah, it's just...
567
00:32:42,430 --> 00:32:44,510
It's very hard to do
more than one at a time.
568
00:32:44,550 --> 00:32:47,190
15 seconds.
In you pop.
569
00:32:48,310 --> 00:32:50,350
Nine seconds.
570
00:32:52,150 --> 00:32:55,830
WHISTLE BLOWS
Thank you, Joe.
571
00:32:55,870 --> 00:32:59,870
WHISTLE BLOWS
Thank you, Lou.
572
00:32:59,910 --> 00:33:02,990
{\an1}CHEERING / APPLAUSE
573
00:33:06,870 --> 00:33:09,270
Tell you what, Lou - the thing is,
574
00:33:09,310 --> 00:33:11,750
people say this is
a frivolous entertainment show,
575
00:33:11,790 --> 00:33:15,070
and yet you started a feminist debate
halfway... Thank you.
576
00:33:15,110 --> 00:33:17,830
Thank you. "I'm a feminist.
Am I a feminist?"
577
00:33:17,870 --> 00:33:20,750
LAUGHTER
Um, Joe,
578
00:33:20,790 --> 00:33:22,910
can I make a personal observation?
Go on.
579
00:33:22,950 --> 00:33:24,950
In a lot of the previous tasks,
580
00:33:24,990 --> 00:33:27,630
I've thought that you were, um,
spiralling into...
581
00:33:27,670 --> 00:33:31,230
some kind of depression...
Yeah. ..and existential crisis.
582
00:33:31,270 --> 00:33:33,790
Yeah. But you said, "All the
ping-pong balls look quite cute,
583
00:33:33,830 --> 00:33:37,670
crowded round the edge of..."
This, um... This was good for me.
584
00:33:37,710 --> 00:33:40,030
Yeah. Since then,
I actually do that twice a week now.
585
00:33:40,070 --> 00:33:42,230
{\an1}LAUGHTER
586
00:33:42,270 --> 00:33:45,990
Statistics? Er, Joe, well over half
of them in the other pen.
587
00:33:46,030 --> 00:33:48,390
51 percent.
Wow! Lou...
588
00:33:48,430 --> 00:33:52,390
She also got 51 percent! Lou!
Oh! Whoa!
589
00:33:52,430 --> 00:33:55,230
Isn't that weird? So weird.
590
00:33:57,390 --> 00:33:59,950
It's the last link-to-break
for series eight, episode five.
591
00:33:59,990 --> 00:34:03,150
What a moment!
So, please, rather than applause,
592
00:34:03,190 --> 00:34:06,590
can we all just...sigh?
593
00:34:06,630 --> 00:34:10,230
{\an1}ALL EXHALE NOISILY
594
00:34:19,830 --> 00:34:22,950
CHEERING / APPLAUSE
Hello, and welcome back!
595
00:34:22,990 --> 00:34:25,510
Now, where were we?
So, before the break,
596
00:34:25,550 --> 00:34:27,590
they were trying to herd
table-tennis balls
597
00:34:27,630 --> 00:34:30,510
from a pen at one end of a platform
into a pen at the other end.
598
00:34:30,550 --> 00:34:33,910
Here are Paul Sinha,
Iain Stirling and Sian.
599
00:34:33,950 --> 00:34:37,150
SHE SIGHS
Is the basketball a red herring?
600
00:34:37,190 --> 00:34:39,310
No, it's a... It's a basketball.
601
00:34:39,350 --> 00:34:41,350
{\an1}LAUGHTER
SHE LAUGHS
602
00:34:42,430 --> 00:34:45,190
Ten minutes...there to there.
603
00:34:45,230 --> 00:34:47,470
You do it like that.
604
00:34:56,350 --> 00:34:59,390
I'm not gonna go crazy.
I'm just gonna do a few at a time.
605
00:35:01,070 --> 00:35:03,990
I've lost one.
We're goin' individual!
606
00:35:08,190 --> 00:35:10,830
That's half your time gone.
Brilliant!
607
00:35:10,870 --> 00:35:15,190
Oh! Oh!
Oh, Jesus, I'm not even halfway.
608
00:35:15,230 --> 00:35:18,350
This is pure, unadulterated speed!
609
00:35:19,470 --> 00:35:21,630
98 left, Iain.
How many is that?
610
00:35:21,670 --> 00:35:23,910
98 left.
Oh!
611
00:35:32,510 --> 00:35:34,630
{\an1}LAUGHTER
612
00:35:41,670 --> 00:35:43,670
No touching of hands.
It's just the string.
613
00:35:43,710 --> 00:35:45,790
Just the string, is it?
614
00:35:47,430 --> 00:35:50,190
Oh!
SHE LAUGHS
615
00:35:50,230 --> 00:35:52,830
Argh!
HE GRUNTS
616
00:35:58,430 --> 00:36:00,590
Just gonna do this now, and take two.
617
00:36:07,670 --> 00:36:09,870
{\an1}WHISTLE BLOWS
APPLAUSE
618
00:36:09,910 --> 00:36:12,830
40 seconds.
HE GRUNTS / BREATHES HEAVILY
619
00:36:16,110 --> 00:36:19,830
Have I got time for two more?
You've got 50 seconds. Oh!
620
00:36:19,870 --> 00:36:22,190
Last one! Last one!
621
00:36:22,230 --> 00:36:25,190
WHISTLE BLOWS
No! Put the ball down!
622
00:36:25,230 --> 00:36:26,910
No!
623
00:36:29,270 --> 00:36:31,550
Oh, I was disappointed, but...
624
00:36:31,590 --> 00:36:33,870
I've never worked
with ping-pongs before.
625
00:36:33,910 --> 00:36:35,710
{\an1}LAUGHTER
626
00:36:35,750 --> 00:36:38,270
{\an1}CHEERING / APPLAUSE
627
00:36:41,190 --> 00:36:43,670
I sort of feel like
we've just seen a documentary
628
00:36:43,710 --> 00:36:47,670
about sheepdogs at opposite ends
of their life-cycle.
629
00:36:47,710 --> 00:36:50,150
{\an1}ALL LAUGH
630
00:36:51,350 --> 00:36:53,470
It's really hard!
631
00:36:53,510 --> 00:36:56,990
There's just too many ping-pong
balls, and they're very, very light.
632
00:36:57,030 --> 00:36:59,230
{\an1}LAUGHTER
633
00:36:59,270 --> 00:37:01,550
I just had no idea
you could ask for other stuff.
634
00:37:01,590 --> 00:37:03,910
I didn't even begin to think
you could just go,
635
00:37:03,950 --> 00:37:07,390
"Oh, can I have a pair of scissors?"
We did offer you scissors as well.
636
00:37:07,430 --> 00:37:09,630
We genuinely did.
Everyone got an offer of them
637
00:37:09,670 --> 00:37:11,830
for cutting the string.
I'm sorry, Paul.
638
00:37:11,870 --> 00:37:13,870
My concerns are more fundamental.
639
00:37:13,910 --> 00:37:16,070
I don't know why you didn't think
to go a bit faster!
640
00:37:16,110 --> 00:37:18,270
{\an1}LAUGHTER
641
00:37:18,310 --> 00:37:21,550
I wouldn't change...
I wouldn't change anything.
642
00:37:21,590 --> 00:37:25,110
I would do the same again,
but quicker.
643
00:37:25,150 --> 00:37:27,790
He did 11 trips up and down -
not always just with one ball,
644
00:37:27,830 --> 00:37:30,230
sometimes with two.
HE LAUGHS
645
00:37:30,270 --> 00:37:32,630
He covered over a kilometre.
646
00:37:33,670 --> 00:37:37,510
You got 27 balls. Sian, eight!
Whoo-hoo!
647
00:37:37,550 --> 00:37:40,270
And Paul got...the ball!
The one ball.
648
00:37:40,310 --> 00:37:42,630
LAUGHTER / APPLAUSE
Certainly did.
649
00:37:44,950 --> 00:37:49,110
Oh... Oh, no!
I've just remembered something.
650
00:37:49,150 --> 00:37:51,470
Yeah. We haven't factored in
my special ball.
651
00:37:51,510 --> 00:37:53,590
No. We haven't factored in
his special ball.
652
00:37:53,630 --> 00:37:55,470
{\an1}SIAN GASPS
653
00:38:03,030 --> 00:38:05,430
{\an1}AUDIENCE GROANING
654
00:38:07,150 --> 00:38:11,190
OK. I might just do this lot,
and then...
655
00:38:17,710 --> 00:38:21,750
No! No! NO!
WHISTLE BLOWS
656
00:38:22,950 --> 00:38:26,350
AUDIENCE GROANS
It does... It does change things.
657
00:38:26,390 --> 00:38:28,510
Don't tell me I herded that ball.
658
00:38:28,550 --> 00:38:30,430
{\an1}LAUGHTER
659
00:38:31,870 --> 00:38:34,710
{\an1}LAUGHTER / APPLAUSE
660
00:38:35,710 --> 00:38:38,670
No. Only Joe and Lou herded
the special one,
661
00:38:38,710 --> 00:38:41,110
so they go down
from 51 to 25 and a half,
662
00:38:41,150 --> 00:38:45,190
which means Iain, with 27...
Whoa! ..gets five points!
663
00:38:45,230 --> 00:38:48,150
{\an1}CHEERING / APPLAUSE
664
00:38:48,190 --> 00:38:50,630
{\an1}HE LAUGHS
665
00:38:51,830 --> 00:38:55,030
Up you go for the final task
of the show!
666
00:38:55,070 --> 00:38:57,230
{\an1}CHEERING / APPLAUSE
667
00:39:03,990 --> 00:39:06,750
Alex? Greg?
What is the final task of the show?
668
00:39:06,790 --> 00:39:09,270
Who's gonna read it for us?
Iain Stirling, please.
669
00:39:09,310 --> 00:39:11,310
Oh, lovely.
Off you go, Iain.
670
00:39:11,350 --> 00:39:16,110
"Recreate the scene in the box.
You will parade past it once,
671
00:39:16,150 --> 00:39:18,550
and must be touching the person
in front of you
672
00:39:18,590 --> 00:39:22,510
throughout the parade. Most accurate
scene-recreation wins."
673
00:39:22,550 --> 00:39:25,150
"You have 200 seconds
after the parade."
674
00:39:25,190 --> 00:39:27,790
So, if everyone could take
one step backwards...
675
00:39:27,830 --> 00:39:30,910
Do you want me to do
some parade music? Yes, please.
676
00:39:30,950 --> 00:39:33,990
da-da-da dah, dah, dah...
677
00:39:34,030 --> 00:39:36,070
{\an1}SIAN SQUEALS
678
00:39:36,110 --> 00:39:39,030
{\an1}GREG CONTINUES TO SING
679
00:39:39,070 --> 00:39:42,030
{\an1}GREG LAUGHS / CONTINUES TO SING
680
00:39:42,070 --> 00:39:45,670
You must touch me at ALL times,
thank you.
681
00:39:47,070 --> 00:39:49,110
Thank you. Back to your places.
Oh. Oh.
682
00:39:49,150 --> 00:39:52,110
And that is the end of the parade.
LAUGHTER
683
00:39:52,150 --> 00:39:55,070
You have 200 seconds, starting now!
HE BLOWS WHISTLE
684
00:39:55,110 --> 00:39:59,670
SIAN: Oh! What's going on? Quick!
You wanna get Paul to tidy those up.
685
00:39:59,710 --> 00:40:01,350
{\an1}LAUGHTER
686
00:40:01,390 --> 00:40:03,390
Struggling, Joe?
Little bit.
687
00:40:03,430 --> 00:40:06,590
Well... Oh, my God. Right.
Come on, then. There we are.
688
00:40:06,630 --> 00:40:09,310
I don't remember it!
LAUGHTER
689
00:40:10,310 --> 00:40:14,230
I did parade you past it. You were
at the front! You went too quick,
690
00:40:14,270 --> 00:40:16,630
and they were all got longer!
They were all got longer!
691
00:40:16,670 --> 00:40:19,230
LAUGHTER
Oh, where's my ball gone?
692
00:40:19,270 --> 00:40:22,510
Paul, how confident do you feel
at this stage?
693
00:40:22,550 --> 00:40:24,550
You know me.
694
00:40:24,590 --> 00:40:27,190
LAUGHTER
Do you like abstract art?
695
00:40:27,230 --> 00:40:29,350
If you're doing it, I do.
Quick!
696
00:40:29,390 --> 00:40:34,030
AUDIENCE SHOUTS AND EXCLAIMS
Five, four...
697
00:40:34,070 --> 00:40:37,030
AUDIENCE JOINS IN: Three, two, one!
698
00:40:37,070 --> 00:40:40,630
ALEX BLOWS WHISTLE
Step away! Step away.
699
00:40:42,230 --> 00:40:44,230
Please come down here,
700
00:40:44,270 --> 00:40:48,070
and let's see how that's affected
the final scores.
701
00:40:50,950 --> 00:40:53,230
{\an1}CHEERING / APPLAUSE
702
00:40:54,230 --> 00:40:57,230
Right!
All good? Yeah.
703
00:40:57,270 --> 00:41:00,190
Yeah. Shall I show you what
the scene was in the box
704
00:41:00,230 --> 00:41:02,550
first of all?
LAUGHTER
705
00:41:02,590 --> 00:41:04,750
So, they were trying to replicate
that scene, Greg.
706
00:41:04,790 --> 00:41:06,790
This is what they did.
707
00:41:06,830 --> 00:41:09,150
{\an1}LAUGHTER
708
00:41:09,190 --> 00:41:11,270
I think it's worth
looking at Joe's first.
709
00:41:11,310 --> 00:41:13,550
He's drawn in the pockets,
wrapped the pump...
710
00:41:13,590 --> 00:41:15,630
No-one was expecting him
to use the pump.
711
00:41:15,670 --> 00:41:17,950
I'm thinking you really like
that one. I'm very keen on it.
712
00:41:17,990 --> 00:41:20,510
It was just the way you said
"wrap the pump".
713
00:41:20,550 --> 00:41:22,870
LAUGHTER
It is good, though, Joe. It is.
714
00:41:22,910 --> 00:41:25,390
Iain's next. OK.
Boom! Smashed it.
715
00:41:25,430 --> 00:41:27,470
{\an1}LAUGHTER
716
00:41:27,510 --> 00:41:30,150
It's very clearly a good
representation of the picture,
717
00:41:30,190 --> 00:41:33,110
but Joe did some lovely pockets,
so clearly it's not AS good.
718
00:41:33,150 --> 00:41:35,190
LAUGHTER
Paul next. All right.
719
00:41:35,230 --> 00:41:37,390
LAUGHTER
A little boat...
720
00:41:39,350 --> 00:41:42,390
It's quite a jump down!
LAUGHTER
721
00:41:42,430 --> 00:41:45,950
Oh, my God! I've got three balls
in the correct positions.
722
00:41:45,990 --> 00:41:48,670
I mean, it's not an unpleasant
picture to look at, is it?
723
00:41:48,710 --> 00:41:51,270
LAUGHTER
We can see Lou next. OK.
724
00:41:51,310 --> 00:41:53,430
Jesus Christ!
725
00:41:53,470 --> 00:41:55,390
Oh, now... Now...
726
00:41:55,430 --> 00:41:57,990
That looks like a poo
under some traffic lights to me.
727
00:41:58,030 --> 00:42:00,670
{\an1}LAUGHTER
728
00:42:00,710 --> 00:42:02,750
Christ!
APPLAUSE
729
00:42:02,790 --> 00:42:04,870
..here is Sian Gibson's attempt.
730
00:42:04,910 --> 00:42:07,830
LAUGHTER
It's quite confusing, that one.
731
00:42:08,830 --> 00:42:12,350
I didn't work out that
the green bit was the paper!
732
00:42:12,390 --> 00:42:14,430
No way!
LAUGHTER
733
00:42:14,470 --> 00:42:18,030
Have you noticed the triangle, the
pink, circular triangle? Triangle.
734
00:42:18,070 --> 00:42:21,950
Yes, with an interesting...
Yes! ..additional probe on it,
735
00:42:21,990 --> 00:42:23,830
isn't it?
736
00:42:23,870 --> 00:42:27,550
OK. I'm gonna give five points
to...Joe.
737
00:42:27,590 --> 00:42:30,430
I'm giving four points to Iain,
and I'm going to give the others
738
00:42:30,470 --> 00:42:34,310
an incredibly charitable
two points each. Sold!
739
00:42:34,350 --> 00:42:36,870
CHEERING / APPLAUSE
Yes. Thank you.
740
00:42:36,910 --> 00:42:39,910
OK. It's one of
the closest episodes so far.
741
00:42:39,950 --> 00:42:42,670
We have Joe and Lou tied
in second place,
742
00:42:42,710 --> 00:42:45,150
but the winner,
with 21 points, is Iain!
743
00:42:45,190 --> 00:42:47,230
Ohhhh!
CHEERING / APPLAUSE
744
00:42:48,270 --> 00:42:51,430
Iain Stirling is the winner!
745
00:42:51,470 --> 00:42:55,350
CHEERING / APPLAUSE
Please go and fetch your faces!
746
00:42:59,950 --> 00:43:01,990
What have we learned today?
747
00:43:02,030 --> 00:43:05,110
We've learned that if Quentin
Tarantino is running out of ideas
748
00:43:05,150 --> 00:43:07,870
for his next violent film, he only
needs to get a bottle of ketchup
749
00:43:07,910 --> 00:43:11,990
and call Paul Sinha's agent.
He goes... "Buh-boh, boh, buh!"
750
00:43:12,030 --> 00:43:14,870
But also we've learned that
Iain Stirling has won!
751
00:43:14,910 --> 00:43:17,990
Well done again to him, and I look
forward to seeing you next time.
752
00:43:18,030 --> 00:43:20,190
I really do! Goodbye!
753
00:43:21,670 --> 00:43:24,390
{\an1}CHEERING / APPLAUSE
754
00:43:39,830 --> 00:43:42,150
{\an1}HE SPEAKS UNDER APPLAUSE
755
00:43:48,950 --> 00:43:51,350
Subtitles by Red Bee Media